Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
