Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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