In the future we'll all be gay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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