The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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