I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
