I bet he comes in French.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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