I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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