Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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