apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
