so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
