i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
