I think my vagina is haunted
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
