You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
