i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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