My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
