I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
