She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
