Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
