3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
