dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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