I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
