so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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