You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
