I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
