I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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