i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
