You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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