dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
