I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
