mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
