I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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