decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
