she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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