my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
