What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
