So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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