Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
