I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Everything about him screamed your future.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
