So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize