She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
