everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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