how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
