24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
