i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He shit in the fireplace
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
