i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
