And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
