I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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