Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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