I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
