My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize