none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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