this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
