remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
