I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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