There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
