ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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