Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize