Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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