Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
