walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
