well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
