I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
