I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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