That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
