Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You can't special order awesome
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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