TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
