Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
