have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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