Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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